over and up.

I lit a cigarette and started to sob at the realization that he is a horrible liar, and I am a stupid gullible little girl. Swallowing those lines every time, imagining that this time it'll be different. This time he will call like he said he would. He will turn up at my door with a bunch of sorries. He will kiss me and he will stay.
Every part of me is screaming, "let go and move on." I still can't. I need it to be on my terms, but I feel so out of control with this one. All I can think of is how right it always felt, and how I was never looking for an excuse.
I scour my brain to pinpoint where it all went wrong. Maybe it was in the back of the car when I slipped my hand out of his. Maybe it was a lot of things. Maybe he is a fucking coward.