Monday 21 April 2014

let's stop hurting ourselves.

They say that you can't love anybody else until you love yourself, and I think in many respects that's true. How can you fully love somebody if you're riddled with self-doubt, anxieties and jealousy?

We all know that the world would be a better place with a little more love, but we seem reluctant to start making the changes that begin with loving ourselves - myself included. I've spent the majority of my life beating myself up mentally and physically, and I expect you've done the same, possibly without even realising it.

Loving and accepting yourself will result in loving and accepting everyone else. So what are we afraid of?

I was a little worried that I'd come off as self-obsessed/selfish (although, come on now, this is the blogging world..) and maybe even a little arrogant writing this, let alone allowing myself love myself - possibly a stupid self-deprecating English thing - but I feel like it's something that should be said here, instead of just writing it over and over in my notebooks. It isn't a new idea, but we need reminding until it becomes second nature.

The people who I've met along the way who are at peace with themselves never come across as the things above - they just seem lovely, and happy. Arrogance comes from a place of self-doubt. Selfishness comes from feeling unloved. 

Here's a thought - we don't have to listen to the bullshit rules about how we should be. We are constantly being force-fed contradicting ideals, until we almost forget who we are.

We take huge steps backwards and look to others to tell us what our next steps should be, instead of looking and loving within to take a true step forward.

Basically, a whole load of people in this weird world are making me do this face a LOT lately:  

Guys and girls, let's stop freaking out about getting our beach bods ready in time for summer, and just concentrate on feeling healthy. Let's work towards our own goals, and make ourselves proud.

Success, beauty, intelligence.. they're all just opinions.

Let's just start by making ourselves do some little smiles:

• put on your favourite outfit and tell yourself how great you look • take it all off and tell yourself how incredible you look • look how far you've come • don't beat yourself up • take pride in whatever you do sing an epic ballad of love to yourself on a regular basis • take photos of yourself pulling silly faces • film yourself lip synching with someone fun • laugh at your own hilarious jokes • write some tiny goals and work towards them • hug yourself • read positive blogs like gala darling • leave yourself love notes - and if someone else sees them too, even better • 

Don't bookmark this for later. Let's hold hands and start now.

• Topshop lipstick • vintage Laura Ashley dress • V&A notebook •

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  1. I think I actually love you a bit for this post x

  2. You are a warm and wonderful human being, Miss Lyzi, and I love having you in my life. I never doubted how fabulous this post would be and I've most definitely been proved right in doing so because it really, truly, is. What a perfect sentiment - we need more self-love in this world. Yes, it's a tough kind of love, an almost uncomfortable-sounding love (because it's more often than not we are made to feel wrong for focusing on ourselves so overtly) but it's the most important kind - we can never give ourselves fully without truly knowing ourselves, and knowing ourselves comes from learning to love ourselves in that way. In all ways.

    Thank you for writing this. For sharing it. And for the tips you added (Meg is one of my favourites, so it was great seeing her post open up!). You've done a magical thing in doing so.

    Love, from me to you :)


  3. What a wonderful post, thank you for sharing :)

  4. I needed to read this today Lyzi. Thank you xx

  5. Such a good read! I feel you, I've spent years beating myself up and I give a lot less of a shit recently. Not that I don't care, there are just more important things, like being a good person, having some self respect and being happy!

    Vicky xo

  6. Me too Ayden! Thanks Lyzi! This is lovely! I was about to say have you heard of Gala Darling and then I saw your 'little smiles' links and I see you have! I hope one day it gets easier! <3 xx

  7. Thank you, Lyzi!! Great post!

  8. I needed to read this today, thankyou so much. It's really helped me.

    Cat at OutsideBeautyInsideHealth

  9. such a glorious post-thank you, Lyzi! what a beautiful little blog, too, it was exactly what I needed to see today x

  10. Oh Lyzi I needed this more than I knew. I've really tried hard to practice self love, so so so hard and it gets harder as my life gets more stressful but looking back on how far I've come in just two or three years blows my mind. I did a video about my self harm recovery and that validated my self love again. If you can't love yourself you can't love someone else and we all deserve to be a little kinder to ourselves. Thank you for writing this!
    Nina from little nomad

  11. I love you this post, i'm definitely hard on myself. This is all great advice thanks for sharing it.

  12. Thank you for this really great post. The world needs more people like you.

  13. Thank you for writing this. I feel like everyone needs to read this, whether they think they love themselves or not. I have struggled for 6 years with ED's and self harm and this past year has been the hardest for me regarding relapsing, but what keeps me going is that there are lovely, sweet and caring people (like you!) who go out of their way to make someones day a little brighter, and you have done that for me (and the other ladies who have commented it seems) so thank you, really.

    We all deserve to be nicer to ourselves, whether we have struggled or not, and you have just reminded me to be kinder to myself each and everyday :)
    Lou Barker xo

  14. I always think I'm the only one struggling with self-hate and it's not even an obvious self-hate, I don't harm myself it's on a mental level... but being on the internet.. there are so many people out there who struggle with the same issues. We are human. We are burdened by the same things and often times those things should not even bother us. Society is a big factor in what we feel and somethings can just make us feel like we are not worth it. We do need to constantly remind ourselves to be happy because we always forget to do it. The worst things about me personally is that some small negative can cancel so many positive things that happened and I will just dwell on this little negative instead of appreciating the many positives that happened. Why are our minds designed like this I have no idea, but I'm truly grateful for this post because it is a reminder that every human needs to have.

    I didn't take my time to re-read this post so it could be a complete scramble. I'm not so good with words, lol!

  15. A beautifully written post that I think most of us can relate to (including me!). Thank you :)

  16. What a gorgeous post!
    I think I needed to read that this morning, thank you!

    My daily dose of inspiration xo

  17. This is an amazing post, I'll definitely be taking a leaf out of your book :) You're a beaut.

  18. favourite post ever!! I needed this! thank you lovely :)

    Aimée x

  19. Thank you for this, trying to be nicer to myself recently and this couldn't have come at a better time...

    Maria xxx

  20. Love this post! I've been trying to do this as my new year's resolution, I've had a few low points on the way, actually the lowest I've ever been in my life, but I find taking each day at a time and just focusing on the good parts really help! If you haven't already, try doing the 100 Happy Days challenge, it actually helps! I think when you focus on what makes YOU happy, and not focusing on things you 'should' do to make others happy, life is a lot more enjoyable :) x

  21. Lovely post and nicely put words!
    x Hannah

  22. This is a really goood post, inspiring me to stop hating myself and to try and do at least one of the things on your list.

  23. Omg I really like this post! I should come back and read it again. Thank you so much. I'm sure you opened more eyes then just mine!

  24. This is great! Thank you so much, everyone needs to start fully loving themselves and it's a hard work but also an amazing goal :) x

  25. “i love myself.'

    ― Nayyirah Waheed

  26. It's true, people always need to hear this but they forget to remind themselves each day too. We have to tell others they are great and we have to remind ourselves we are great when the others aren't around to tell us.
    It make perfect sense and seems to simple when you can get into the mind set.

    But, as I sometimes do when I want to help others, I forget to remind myself of the same things. So just to tell you that you are awesomely awesome :)

  27. Thank you so much for this post! This is something I've seriously needed to read.

    I've been stuck in a bit of a horrible cycle of feeling low/anxious and not taking care of myself.

    Will be saving this to read back when I have my down days.

    Thank you <3 xx

    Sarah @ xx

  28. This was such a good post. So often, in blogging especially, you spend all your time comparing yourself to someone else/wishing you were more like them. So it's nice to see a post encouraging some positivity!
    I'm starting an internship tomorrow after spending nearly 3 years in retail after graduating which has wrecked nearly all my self esteem. Hopefully, this internship will be a positive experience and I'll be able to remember the things I'm good at, and be able to translate that positivity to future job applications!
    And just to say Lyzi, you are one of those people I am rather jealous of, what with your perfect hair and creative talents. So there's a bit of outsider love for you too!

  29. This is a great post...there is so much I need to take from it. I'm feeling so lost with myself at the moment. I feel trapped in a job that I hate because I know that to do what I want to do with my life would mean taking a step back financially, but due to a position I have been put in by a family member, I'm not able to do this. I'm trying to take positive steps forward by looking for a new job in a similar pay range so that I can at least start waking up feeling like I want to go to work. My current place of work has just taken away all of my confidence...I feel like the shell of the person I used to be.

    I think I should follow your advise steps towards building myself back up again, hopefully to the point where I can love myself and my life again x

  30. Love this post! xx

  31. Lyzi this is a super fabulous post! Taking time to take stock, to take care of ourselves to honour and celebrate each of us as uniquely, brilliantly and utterly ourselves and to support and celebrate others in the same way is truly a path to a balanced, happy and nourished self.

    Thanks for posting, we're with you, holding hands
    N x

  32. I loved this post. Thanks for sharing :)

    Kimberley x

  33. It's good to see that you're finally in this place and have put behind the ways you have treated people in the past. Good to know that people can forgive and love themselves eventually.

  34. This is such an amazing blog and really inspiring :) it has made me realise that I should feel better about myself and life is too short for anxiety/jealousy. You really are such a lovely person :-) x

  35. Thank you so much for this, its just really what I needed to read today! You are a beautiful person x

  36. I completely agree with you self-love and self-acceptance is soso important. I think there's a tendency with the younger generation i.e me when i was about 16 to not understand that you need to stand strong alone before you can be with another person. I used to rely on others for my happiness but accepting who i am means that I'm happy when I'm alone too.


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