Monday, 13 December 2010

merry christmas!

At Christmas, I always find myself thinking of the ones I've lost and left behind...

When sitting around the table eating Christmas dinner, I think of those who are missing. My Grandad died 7 years ago, 4 days before Christmas. I still miss him all the time, and he remains the greatest man I've ever known. I feel incredibly lucky that the same year I lost him, I met my best friend Oli. I don't think that was a coincidence, I honestly feel like that was meant to happen, and I can see a lot of similarities between him and my Grandad.

It also reminds me that I am the only grandchild not in a serious relationship (out of the ones who are old enough for such things!) I look around to see my brother and cousins with their significant other, and strangely, I feel a pang of shame. Like I am the black sheep and nothing I do ends up successful.


This isn't meant to put a downer on your Christmas, or mine. I know I'm pointing out the negatives in this day, but I felt I had to say those to say this: I KNOW it's going to get better. Every bad thing that happens knocks me for a while, but ends up making me stronger. I really feel like this next year will be a good one for me. I'm going to create aims and plans and I'm really going to do something. I'm going to make you so proud, Grandad.


Finally, I'd just like to say thank you to everyone who's said a nice word to me, on this blog, Twitter, everywhere! It does make life a lot sweeter! I feel like some of the girls will truly be friends for a long while to come :)


Real love

xo

4 comments

  1. Merry Christmas sweet. I'm exactly like you are. This is the second Christmas without Grandad and it's still quite difficult to contend with. As for the whole 'significant other' thing I suggest you ask for some help. In January last year, I visited my Grandad's grave and asked him to find me someone lovely. By february, I was in a relationship. You never know - it may work for you Lyzi ;) Have an amazing day.

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  2. this post is so heartful! I miss my Grandad too much, and it hurts more at christmas because it's such a family orientated time! I'm sure 2011 will be a good year! Happy Christmas xxx

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  3. You lovely thing. I've never known grandparents, so I don't miss them. I can't imagine what it's like losing someone so close. Make 2011 your year, it will be brilliant, I just know it. xx

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