Saturday, 12 July 2014

goodbye, granny.



I watched the peachy skies and the rays of hope fade as mum told me.

I had just been marvelling at all the flowers blooming, and all the while, one of my favourites was wilting away. The sun, no water, all the love in the world can't revive her now. She's quiet, and her soft petal-like skin stops moving gently with her breath.




 I feel incredibly lucky to have grown up surrounded by such beautiful, strong female role models. 

Granny and her daughters (my mum & aunts) have all been blessed with kindness, gentleness, intellegence and humour. True beauty does not boast, so I'll do it for them.

We've never needed much of an excuse for a family gathering, and many birthdays, Christmasses, Easters & any other occasions usually happened at Myrtle Cottage. It's a second home to all of us. 


In the summer, my brother & I would stay with Granny and Grandad. I remember a lot of elevenses, playing in the garden and trips to the beach, where there would always be a picnic. Granny would make sandwiches with brown bread and cut them into quarters. She'd wrap them in clingfilm and stick a tiny white label on with our name written very carefully. And there were always biscuits, and an ice cream too, if we behaved.

Climbing into one of their many spare beds, saying "nightie nightie" and getting the response of "pyjama pyjama." One of hundreds of silly jokes. 


Who's going to fill the biscuit tin now? Who's going to tend the flowers and tell bad jokes? Who's going to hold my hands as the big waves roll in?






Who's going to ask us to go around the garden, collecting snails in a margerine tub in exchange for 20p? And in hindsight, could that be classed as child slavery?

We used to go for walks through the trees and along the boardwalk. Once, we found a small nest on the ground. Granny very gently picked it up, and inside was a hibernating dormouse. The way she held that tiny, fragile creature; her quiet reassurance. 

When I knew that she was dying, I felt my heart break. I don't know what I believe happens after you die, but it's a comforting thought that she might be back in the arms of her sweetheart.




The last time I saw Granny, her stairlift had just been fitted, which meant we could sit in her cosy living room together. She couldn't get out into her beautiful garden very easily, so I picked and arranged some vases of flowers and placed them on the coffee table in front of her. 

Her face lit up. She was smaller and weaker, but she was still smiling.



The evening after the funeral, we went to the beach and stared out to sea, reflecting on everything we felt. We ate fish and chips, and had another drink as the sun went down. 

The pale moon and the slow breeze were perfect.






She will become the earth; she will become more beautiful flowers.

I'll see her kind eyes when I look to the sea, and will remember how safe she made me feel amongst the rough waves.





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32 comments

  1. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss Lyzi, she sounds like a wonderful woman.

    Jess xo

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  2. I'm so sorry for your loss sweetie. What a beautiful eulogy for a wonderful woman. You will be constantly surprised at where and how you remember her, sometimes gently, sometimes all at once (as I did with my Grandma- and still do). Lot's of lovex

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  3. Sorry for your loss. Your piece was very moving and beautiful to read. x

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  4. So sorry for your loss. What you wrote was so beautiful! xo

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  5. Sorry for your loss, Lyzi. This post was so moving and beautiful. x

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  6. So very sorry. In floods of tears reading all your special memories, so beautiful. xx

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  7. I am so sorry for your loss. Your beautiful words brought tear to my eyes. I lost my grandfather in March and I still don't think it's real.

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  8. I'm so sorry for your loss, Lyzi.

    This is such a beautiful post - reading your wonderful words about your granny and the memories you have brought tears to my eyes. She was a gorgeous lady and it's lovely you have so many fond memories of time spent together.

    x

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  9. What a beautiful post and a lovely tribute to your grandmother. I'm so sorry for your loss x

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  10. I'm very sorry to hear that- such a hard time for you. Best wishes

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  11. I am so sorry for your loss, Lyzie. Your memories will live on forever, she sounds like she was a wonderful Granny. Sending lots of love xxx

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  12. I am so sorry for your loss. She sounds like a wonderful, strong woman and I am sure she is now a beautiful angel. Wish you strenght and love.

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  13. I'm sorry you lost your granny. This post is a beautiful say to remember her and it reminds me of my nan and how I felt when she died. I think it's so important to remember those who have had a big influence on our lives and who we are today. It sounds like your granny was an incredible lady.

    Gemma

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  14. Really am sorry to hear about your loss - but let's not think of it as a loss, only something you've gained, an insight.

    Beautiful post.

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  15. So sorry for your loss. But that is a lovely post.
    L x
    Http://workingmumy.blogspot.com

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  16. I'm sorry she's not physically here anymore, but I am so sure she is with you always <3 My Nan just died too and I will miss her rudeness and her little beard as much as I will miss her laugh and the hug of bingo wings.
    Laura x

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  17. Beautiful words. Been following your blog/instagram for a few years now and I'm so sorry to hear this sad news. Will be thinking of you and your family.

    I like these words by the poet Mary Oliver:

    'So every day
    So every day
    I was surrounded by the beautiful crying forth
    of the ideas of God,
    one of which was you.'

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  18. Such a beautiful post, Lyzi! May she rest in peace xx

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  19. I'm so so sorry to hear this, she clearly meant (and still means) so much to you and you've written it all down perfectly. Stay strong! x

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  20. this was such a wonderful post and clearly written directly from the heart. I lost my nan not too long ago and I know the heartbreak I went through so all my love goes to you right now in this upsetting time x

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  21. I'm sorry for your loss grandparents are very important sounds like she was very wonderful person.

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  22. Sorry for your loss. This post truly touched me, with feelings and tears in my eyes.
    Sending warm hugs,
    love, Jade

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  23. This is so sweet. It's so nice to see positive and supportive family ties. I'm sorry you lost her. xx

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  24. what a moving post, personal & full of integrity. keep your chin up & remember all those lovely things xx

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  25. Beautiful Lyzi, made me cry - again! X X X

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  26. What a beautiful ode to your Granny. Very sorry to hear your loss, those photos of her are amazing...a very beautiful lady is watching over you.

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  27. Beautiful post, it was very moving, and it was a little hard to read. I'm so sorry for your loss, she was and is a beautiful lady.

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  28. Such beautiful words Lyzi, so very sorry to hear of your loss. Losing a grandparent is never easy, I lost my own grandmother this year too, but they're always watching over us as long as we remember them. All my best Xoxo

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  29. I'm so sorry Lyzi, I know just how heartbreaking it is to lose a Grandparent you are so close too. Sending all forms of love your way xxx

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  30. I'm so sory to hear about your loss - but this was so beautfully written, it's clear that you have mountains of happy memories to carry with you. It's clear she knew how much she meant to you and your family - and you were lucky to have her with you while growing up. I bet she's very proud of you :)

    I also adore that someone else's family says 'nightie nightie, pyjama pyjama' - it's little things like that you'll be able to pass on to others :)

    I hope you are ok.

    Jo xx

    She Wears Burgundy

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