Thursday 19 February 2015

tea and struggles.

It's probably obvious from the silence over here on Being Little, the sparse and sporadic posts on Twitter, and even more rare updates on Instagram - I'm struggling. 

I've touched on my issues here a few times before, but lately I've just been feeling worse and worse. I'm becoming more closed off, and I feel like I'm crying all the time. Something about this time of year just makes everything feel awful. 

I've been cancelling a lot of plans because I just can't handle conversation (sorry if I've lied to you lately); I've been looking for reassurance in all the wrong places; I've been eating a lot of carbs and chocolate... I'm pretty sure I'd feel a bit better if I went out and did fun things and saw fun people, but it's not that easy when you have a big, dark, wintery cloud inside your head.

So many people suffer with depression and anxiety, and yet don't get help because it's too difficult to find the right help, or they're too scared, or they won't let their loved ones support them. I feel all of the above, but fuck, I feel like I'm trying so hard. I've broken down numerous times trying to search for help. I've avoided talking about problems for years, because I hate how I feel when I get upset. I've bottled up so many scary feelings because I don't want to worry anyone. 

In the past week, I've managed to open up more. I am really lucky to have some amazing people in my life who love me and just want me to get better and be happy again (and it's really reassuring hearing that lots) I've got friends who understand and sometimes feel the same, making me feel less isolated. I've got an amazing mum who is helping me get the help I need right now.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this rambling blog post - I just wanted to explain why it's been a bit quiet around here. Between work and trying to keep my head above the water, blogging has taken a bit of a back seat.

And maybe this could encourage you to reach out to your loved ones if you're feeling similar things.

It's a scary world, but things become a little less terrifying when we all hold hands. 

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  1. Aw Lyzi, sorry you've been feeling so utterly rubbish- I think this time of year makes the struggle even worse.
    I'm not sure what, if anything I can offer but I'd sending lots of love and supportive thoughts your way x

  2. Take some time out for you, get yourself better!
    Emma xo |

  3. Sorry to hear you're struggling. Try and take short walks in the middle of the day, the exercise (however slight!) and light really does help. Look after yourself x
    Emily -

  4. Sending you love and hugs. I'm sorry you're feeling like this.xx

  5. I'm really sorry you're feeling so bad, Lyzi. It's good that you've reached out though and you have that support network of people who love you and want to help you. I know it's tough as hell but I hope you start to feel better soon.


  6. Hey Lyzi,
    I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with depression, I've been through bouts of it myself and it's been totally overwhelming and just downright awful. The feeling of "nothing" just destroys your soul. I know it sounds cliche' and you probably have thought of that already, but if you feel comfortable with your GP you could try to reach out to them for help. They might suggest you take a few sessions of CBT which I found were not massively helpful, but a step in the right direction. Obviously, every single case is different, just thought I'd give my two cents.
    Also, try and not stress too much about your disordered eating, as it's a symptom of what you're feeling inside, not the cause of the problem. It is one of the most common symptoms of depression. Be kind to yourself and try to focus on your mental health first of all.
    In the meanwhile, I send you hugs, and if you feel like talking to someone, please don't hesitate to send me a message, I'm willing to listen :)
    Cece x

  7. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way, I've been really struggling recently and I tried to just ignore it and carry on as usual until I had a huge anxiety attack at work and had to be sent home, I've been trying to be more open with family and friends about when I'm feeling especially bad which has helped and I'm going back to my gp.
    I hope you start feeling better soon

  8. Dear Lyzi,

    I have issues with depression too. It is so hard. sometimes it isn't that you aren't trying enough, sometimes it's just that depression is there and super strong. I know I always blame myself and feel like crap for not being able to pull myself out of it. But then I remember it is an actual illness and not just in my head or a weakness. I wouldn't expect someone to just push through any other disease, so I need to give myself the same credit.

    I totally get the canceling seeing people, I do that all the time! Even though I know it would probably help. Keep opening up and it's ok to be scared and afraid to seek help. Just don't give up on yourself.

    I share a lot about my depression on my blog so feel free to hop over, but most of all I just hope you feel better and know I am here listening.

    xo, C

  9. Sorry to hear you're feeling bad right now. Just know you have endless followers who would be happy to sit and lend an ear. Sending positive vibes and hugs.


    Hunter //

  10. Oh, Lyzi. This time of year really doesn't help.. grey grey skies every day. It will be Spring soon! And there will be sunshine and beautiful colourful flowers.
    You are lucky to have a wonderful support network. I hope you feel more yourself soon. <3

  11. I'm so awfully sorry to hear that you've been going through a rough patch lately... I know how hard it is, I suffer from an anxiety disorder and have been depressed most of my life.

    I can only tell you that it gets better. Asking for help is the best thing you could have done and I hope you're now in the road for recovery. This isn't something you should be embarrassed about. A mental illness is just like every other illness, it takes time and effort in order for us to get better.

    I wrote a blogpost a couple of months ago on how to get over the winter blues, or general depression / anxiety, that might be helpful to you:

    Hang in there Lyzi! x


  12. I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling like this but glad that you have people around you who understand and are trying to help. x

  13. I love you, and you know that I'll always always always be here for you.

  14. So sorry to hear about your depression. It can be a very difficult thing to talk about but it sounds like your making all the right steps and have some good people around you. I suffer with problems around anxiety so thanks for sharing. Hope things pick up for you! :-) xx

    Helen | Helens Fashion & Beauty Blog

  15. oh honey, anything you need, everyone's here to help you <3

  16. Oh Lyzi. I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling so low. I can definitely empathise with this. I was diagnosed with depression whilst I was in Uni but, thinking back to through the years. My earliest memory of having a panic attack was when I was just 11.
    Take all the time you need to recover dearest. And just remember, as lonely as it can feel sometimes, you've just got to ride it out. I guarantee, in a few days or even a week, the rainclouds will part and you'll feel a bit more human again. There is no shame in saying you have a problem, and any friends who are worth their while will understand when you just need to sleep/wallow for a couple of days.
    All the best sweetheart.
    See you on the other side. :)
    Hannah. x

  17. I hope you feel better soon :) - I remember a time in high school where I managed to lock myself in the bathrooms at lunch time, If it weren't for my friend Kaylan (bless him) I don't think I'd be typing this today.

    I was diagnosed with depression when I was 15. You're probably wondering what the hell a 15 year old has to be depressed about, sadly things hadn't been going well in the two years leading up to that moment, an I recall lying to get out of counselling because I was ashamed and I didn't want to talk about it... That's when I started getting panic attacks and anxiety. This is something I still struggle with today, but I have never accepted professional help, I always rely on family and my boyfriend (who thankfully has pulled me through a lot) today for the first time in 3 years I went into the shop on my own and got a prescription for my mum... This is something 6 months ago I couldn't do.. Because I'd managed to scare myself out of doing it. Now I can't wait to see what else I can achieve in 2015 :) x

  18. Aww I'm so sorry to hear that!! We all have bad times and then it all gets better <3

  19. I've been through similar things (but probably not as bad), I've felt awful and anxious and have been unable to speak to anyone about it or about things that have happened that made me feel that way. I began to get through it by writing it down on paper, it's not the same as speaking to someone in person, you don't get emotional support from a piece of paper but its a good start. It's a nice way to get the thoughts and feelings out of your head without the fear of someone else hearing you.
    I'm glad to hear that you're starting to move through this and feel better x

  20. So sorry to hear you are not feeling yourself, but I think writing this was a good decision! Now you've said it, it's out there, you've accepted that there is something going on this year. You will look back on it and know you can get through it. I found I just had to put myself out of my comfort zone and push my own buttons, it's difficult, but you will do it! Take care and be kind to yourself, Springtime is coming and sunshine will be welcomed!

  21. Hope you start to feel better soon!
    Me and my boyfriend of five years broke up a couple of months ago and since then it's been a downward spiral for me, to the point I started crying at work the other day and I couldn't even pinpoint why, I just want to be on my own all the time. But it's at times like these were I force myself out of my comfort zone and try hard to pursue my dreams, last month I booked a trip to America. It gives me something to look forward.

    Lots of love.

  22. Thank you for sharing this post! I too suffer with anxiety, especially at certain times of the year. It's so strengthening to see other bloggers writing about this sort of thing. Keep on keeping on :)

  23. I really hope that you are able to figure out what you need to help you get back on track and that you have a strong support group to help you get there. I think that while sometimes we do need to retire from the world and focus on ourselves in our little cocoons, it can become counterproductive when it causes us to just sink further into a hole that is impossible to climb out of. Wishing you a lot of luck and if you need to step away from social media to focus on yourself, have no worries and do just that. The most important thing in life is the one we are given. Take care of it, and your blog and readers will always still be here when you come back :)

    Rae | love from berlin

  24. Think it's nice to write things down, regardless if anything is reading/listening or not. Hope you turn a corner very soon.

    Buckets & Spades

  25. I hope you feel better, just be sure to look after yourself first and don't feel guilty for not blogging as often as you think you should or for cancelling plans. You time is the most important, and it's great to write things down and get it off your chest xx

  26. Sorry to hear you are struggling again lovely, I recently have been having a tough time with things! You are right it is something to do with this time of year that makes is worse.
    Hope you keep strong and get out of this funk soon.

  27. ya love, hope you're feeling better now than when you wrote this, just remember for every dark night there's a brighter day! x


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