Friday 2 November 2018

thank you, dear body.

Thank you, dear body, with all your limbs and ligaments and lines, I love you. You have done so well. 

Thank you for keeping me alive, even when I hated you and wished to not exist.

It has been a learning curve to love every curve, but having to catch the negative thoughts has become less and less frequent. I have eased back into my skin, and learnt to love myself and listen to myself, unapologetically. 

I sit with myself in quiet moments - accepting this moment, this feeling, this body. It's a kind of mindfulness that has evolved, and I find it the most useful thing in this pursuit of loving myself wholly. 

I am a body and I am a person and I am ok. 
My soft and ever-changing body is here to keep me alive. 
Nourish yourself.

I have learnt that I look my best when I'm happy. Not when I'm a certain weight, wearing something "cool", have done my make up perfectly... etc. None of that matters when you're spending the whole time worrying about what other people think and being miserable, instead of living life. 

And who I am is infinitely more than what I look like. It's so much more than what size my jeans are or the texture of my skin. 

This body is for moving, and living and loving. It's for sharing when I want to, and protecting my precious self when I need to. It's mine to do and adorn with whatever I please. 

I appreciate my body so much more when I consider all the amazing things it can do. When I think of my body in terms of all it does, rather than what it looks like, I find it so much easier to love. 

Not only does it keep me alive on the daily, it has worked so hard over the years to get better. There was a time when I didn't have the energy to get out of bed, and I felt unwell all the time. 

I am so grateful to not feel poorly every single day, like I used to. What a slog it was, to simply be awake. What a load of mental strength it took to not give up when everything felt so difficult. Gently, I pushed myself to get better, softly softly, little by little. Medication helped, eventually. Therapy helped. Exercise helped. My loved ones helped - how lucky I am!

Nearly 10 years on from dropping out of uni and not knowing what was wrong, having what felt like 400 blood tests, and being diagnosed with ME/CFS and then hypothyroidism, I feel pretty damn good!

I don't often talk about that time in my life - partly because it's a blur, and partly because I worry it'll make me seem weak. But I know that really, I am incredibly strong for pushing through, gradually getting better, and not giving up on myself, when I wanted to so many times.

Thank you, dear body.

I pressed my thighs together
Felt hot water down my spine
This whole body is for me
Every inch is mine

Every little freckle
Constellations of scars
All the tiny wrinkles
Show I have come so far

Secrets of my body
Those blue lines under skin
Softly seen heartbeats
And all else that's within

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  1. This post was such a joy to read! Bodies are awesome! x

  2. I love you and I'm proud of you and I'm so glad that I've been able to see you bloom again.

  3. This was such a sweet post with beautiful words.
    Debs @


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